There has been plenty of dialogue of varying levels going around on the internet and in-person conversations about leadership, about the dangers of power those in leadership have, the battles those in leaders are up against from the congregations. Having been on the receiving end of misused leadership, having been in leadership and got things wrong, having been part of unhealthy leadership structures, having been a congregant who doesn’t tend to stay quiet when she sees unhealthy leadership patterns, I get it. We are messy complicated broken people who get it wrong. We talk of faith, we talk of the gospel but time and again I have seen leaders not live out a big enough gospel.
As Christians do we not believe in the gospel of forgiveness and redemption? Do we believe that there are certain people, situations outside of that gospel? We act as if the gospel is not enough for certain situations even when we preach something differently on Sunday mornings. It feels that way when the hard conversations are avoided, the difficult conversations are not had. Other conversations may well be had that seem difficult but are not the ones needed, and are a deflection from the ones that need to be had, because the ones needed require us to face up to our own actions in situations. We also need to address the question around the fear of the congregation. That though is a whole other issue to consider but needs to be mentioned here in recognition of the hold it has over leaders and their ability to be open and vulnerable.
Recently I saw on FB a conversation that flowed out of a wider context on leadership and it made me stop. It was talking about the need for leaders to be willing to be vulnerable, to be open. It reminded me of a time when I was part of church staff team and signed off sick. Within the team I clarified that I was signed off not because of my health; though I was dealing with physical health issues at the time as well, and that would have been the convenient easy answer for the leadership to present to the congregation; but because the counselor I was seeing recommended I step back from work. She recommended this because of how unhealthy the dynamics were, though all I shared was that it was the counselor’s advice I take time out. I was taken aside by one person who wanted to protect someone else and was told that by this person saying it was my GP was an act of protecting me as others might not view it well that I was in need of seeing a counselor. I had no shame about seeing a counselor (for any reason) and in fact had sought that out not because of a direct need that I was wanting to address but because I was walking alongside lots of others and so in order to be healthy I went to a counselor so I had a place to lay down and maintain a healthy boundary between the journeys I was walking along and my own and my family’s life.
It is very hard to be open and vulnerable as a church staff member if the leadership is not open to it or is afraid of how the congregation will see it. The double edge of that is that the congregation, whether the leadership like it or not, take their cues from leadership and if we cloak counseling with a sense of shame than that will be the case for the congregation who may miss out on the help they need. Mark and I have for many years had the wonderful support of a couple for marriage, ministry, life for whom no questions, area of conversation are off the table. I am often surprised by the number of people who respond with surprise and say ‘ but you and Mark have a great marriage, so why?’ We started seeing them when life was overwhelming with little ones and direction of work was not clear. We are thankful that they continue to walk with us even through more stable seasons of life because we all need people in our lives for whom nothing is off the table in a world that asks us to have it altogether or no longer be a team player but simply become baggage, labelled ‘fragile’ that needs handling with care.
It also reminded me of how we talk about struggles, battles, issues we are facing. Far too often I have been struck by the language used to talk about a person in the congregation who is dealing with a situation. All too often they no longer are a person, they become the ‘baggage’ they appear to have. When Jesus met with the Samaritan woman at the well with her colourful past He did not talk aside with the disciples about this person and all her past and define her by that. He talked to her, person to person. He didn’t pretend her past hadn’t happened, He didn’t ignore her current situation but He spoke to her. He saw her. She shared the good news with those in the village. Too many times have I heard people being minimised, reduced, not fully included in serving because they have ‘baggage’ by those in leadership. They speak of these ‘problem people’.
As leaders are we not called to serve? We need to be willing to serve the people in front of us. We are called to serve them as Christ does. To see them, to give them life. In that example above I spoke of going to a counselor because of the role I was in. Many of us because of the fractured way society, relationships and family work need to go to a counselor for our own needs too. That though is much harder because I know how others speak of people who dare put their hand up and say they are struggling. We have stopped making hard times part and parcel of life and so when they come they are so much more jarring and isolating. Many of us don’t have day to day community around us to walk through the ups and downs of life. For those in leadership admitting to others in leadership that we are struggling can be next to impossible because not only is asking for help or acknowledging you are getting help is vulnerable, it opens us up to being talked about behind our backs as ‘baggage’ and excluded from the table and we don’t need that on top of everything else we are battling on our own. I know for me there is pride mixed into that but even to address that and admit that can feel far too risky because there is no confidence in the net beneath that opening up and if I cannot open up about the pride I am certainly not going to risk opening up about anything else.
Humans are going to fail each other, I get that, but until I see leadership living out a confidence that the gospel in the scripture is enough. That the gospel is big enough for when we mess up and need to repent and forgive each other, to take ownership of wrong doing. And to offer genuine forgiveness that brings all to the table and enables the other to carry on walking. Without this I fear we are going to lose more leaders from the call to serve others and congregations wondering why the gospel isn’t making a difference in their every day lives in the way they see it as they read the Bible. Leaders are going to remain trapped and burnt out, and when one goes down in those circumstances it is never just them that pays the price, the ripples spread out.
Not every church is in this situation, for that I am thankful but I have wept for many a church I know that is feeling those ripples. And ‘the good guys’ are not immune from this. I am not immune from it. Talking about it, writing about it is a start but we need to be also having those hard conversations, not hiding when it is in within our own circles, but to walking it out. We all need to be given the chance to experience the repentance and forgiveness the gospel allows and we all need both sides of that. I know I do.
Joshua's Tree Rooted 