Tamar, the 8th woman I have sat with this Lent. Her story as with the other women is not easy to hear. Abuse in so many forms and ways. Men who are supposed to be God’s people. Being on God’s side doesn’t seem to make a difference sadly to the way they act toward others. I will be honest, I am tired of these stories, tired of the mess, the pain. Tired that nothing feels like it has changed for God’s people today in many places. Abuse by God’s men is not simply an ancient biblical historical event, it is not consigned to bygone centuries. It is happening as I write these words.
Judah knows the cultural traditions that means the next brother marries the widow of older brothers. Judah though does not look at the sin of his sons but puts the blame on Tamar before a 3rd son marries her. Blame shifting. Nothing has changed. It is more comfortable to do that than take a long hard look at ones own circle, ones own leadership, ones own parenting. Nothing has changed, the blame continues to be shifted to the abused today. The abused is the one who has to walk away, who lose so much.
Tamar has a deep deep well of strength. She knows how the culture works. Shelah should marry her. Her ways seem questionable to us, but she knows she has to play low in order to reveal what is right. She takes the risk. She knows where she belongs and she is not going to let anyone kick her out. She acts as a prostitute before her father in law who does not recognise her and has no shame in sleeping with her. When Judah hears that his daughter in law is pregnant having acted as a prostitute he is prepared to have her stoned to death until she reveals that the unborn children are his. While he acted sadly with no shame in sleeping with her while she was disguised as a prostitute, he was willing to have his daughter in law publicly stoned for prostitution. So many layers of wrong doing on Judah’s part.
It would be great if it didn’t take a public show for him to recognise Tamar’s righteousness and his wrong doing. He knew all along what he was doing and how both denying Tamar his 3rd son and his sleeping with her were not God honouring. Both acts violated the care and protection Tamar should have been shown.
I may wrestle with how Tamar went about showing Judah up but I cannot help but be encouraged by her willingness to confront Judah. She did not limply disappear and give up. She put herself at great risk, she was alone. I doubt she could have enlisted anyone to agree to help her with her plan. Death was a possible outcome. I am thankful she fought the system. I am thankful she showed up. I just wish she hadn’t needed to.
Father I pray for those who dare to raise their hand and call out abuse, I pray they will not find themselves like Tamar, alone, but have people around them. People who will see them, hear them, stand for and with them. I pray also that it will not take a public confrontation for church leaders to repent if they are guilty or to defend others who are guilty of abuse. Father I ask for courage to be willing to hear stories like Tamar and others. Father forgive us for what we have done with your church. In Jesus name we pray.
https://www.eden.co.uk/lent-books-for-individuals/forty-women/
Joshua's Tree Rooted 